I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am midnight drunk by noon
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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