this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
