i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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