I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
