I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
