I want to walk on stilts...naked
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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