I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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