'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
