I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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