I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
