the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
