Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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