Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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