omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
