the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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