i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
