Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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