That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
