Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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