and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
no you cant smoke seaweed
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
