My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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