2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
