Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
