I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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