I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
