It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
