the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He passed out mid-signature
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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