my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
