I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it's like heaven, but drunker
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Bring me that man meat
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
