i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
