Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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