I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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