the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
