she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
