so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
