Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
