hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
