Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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