mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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