its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Please don't give away my fajitas
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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