the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
