i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
