I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
