he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
