HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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