I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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