You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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