I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
