just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
