I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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