So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
