She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
