first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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